Austin Livestrong Marathon Race Report

Shirt and Finisher's Medal

Well, I did it. I completed my second marathon, along with my good friend and running partner, Jen. If you aren't a runner, you may think doing a second one isn't as big a deal as the first (or you may just think I'm completely crazy for actually doing that again!). Well, the first marathon is pretty sweet, but if you are a competitive person like I am, the second one is even sweeter. The reason is that you run your first marathon just to finish. Well, o.k. I still had a goal time for the first one, but I still just wanted to finish. The second marathon (or any other distance) is all about getting a PR (personal record). There are lots of factors that go into getting that PR. First, the training, which is something we can totally control. We trained harder this time than last time, running faster overall, and running many more weekly miles and lots more long runs. The training was 6 months long. We knew we were better prepared and at a much higher fitness level than we were 2 years ago. Second, staying healthy and not getting injured. We train smart, but things can happen, so we have some control, but not total control. I actually ended up with a slight ankle injury about 3-4 weeks ago. I stayed off the ankle some but eventually started running on it, and it was touch and go. Then, I had a week at Disney World walking all day everyday, and that really helped. Praise God! Third, the last thing that can actually make or break a race -- weather. That is something we CANNOT control. We ended up with the most perfect weather! So, we were set up for a great race.

PACKET PICKUP:

We went together to pick up our packets downtown on Saturday. It had been raining all night. It was a bit chilly and still cloudy with scattered thunderstorms. We drove around trying to find a parking spot so we wouldn't have to pay to park. We finally found one and walked in for our packets. We got our packets, exchanged our shirt sizes, and walked around the expo a little while looking at running apparel and tasting free samples of energy food and drinks. The race shirt is probably the best one I've ever gotten. It has the map of the course on the front with all these cute labels. VERY cool!

The shirt

THE GOAL:

So, I'm sure you now want to know how I did and all the grueling details about the race. Well, my time at my first marathon was 4:27:44. Since I really wanted to stay under 4:30, I was happy, BUT I wasn't happy that I slowed down so much the second half of the race and that I wasn't able to stay with Jen. We really thought we could run it in 4:15. So, this time I wanted to make sure I didn't go out too fast so that I could maintain the pace for the whole race. I knew we had a LONG uphill climb starting at mile 9-10 and going to mile 19, then we'd get to go downhill to the finish. So, I knew we had to be careful not to push too hard on the uphill. We set our goal time at 4:15, but we thought 4:10 was in reach. So, we set out at a pace that would have us finish in 4:10. Our plan was to run with the pacers, but we couldn't find them at the start, so we just ran the pace we thought was right, according to my Garmin.

RACE START:

We got downtown about 1 hour before race time and got the BEST parking spot -- very close to the finish line. We had to walk a few blocks to the start, so we starting walking and found the port-o-potties before the lines got too long. Then, we found where we were supposed to start and got out of the wind. It was pretty chilly. While we were standing around, a guy that I used to work with 10 years ago was standing right next to us. What are the chances? I talked to him for a while, then it was finally time to actually line up. The National Anthem was sung, then they started us. It took us over 8 minutes to actually get to the start line, as there were 18,000 runners (most were running the half marathon). Only 1427 females ran the full marathon!

MILES 1-18 (the uphill climb):

We started out great, not too fast, considering there was some downhill. Then, we had a bit of a climb for 3 miles and slowed down just a tad. Then, we had 3 miles downhill where we made up some time. At that point, we came back toward downtown, and there were SO many spectators screaming and yelling and cheering. It was so awesome! The Livestrong Team was so great! Once we left the crowds, though, we were headed to the dreadful 10 mile climb. We had just reached the 1/3 mark (2/3 to go!), though, so that felt good! Shortly after our climb started, the half marathoners broke off. I was thinking, "Wow, they have less than 2.5 miles to go! Sure would be nice!" At that point, I still felt pretty good, as we were almost to mile 12 (almost halfway). I knew our families would be camped out around mile 18 or so. I also knew the downhill started at mile 19. That kept me going. I did pray several times because I'd feel a twinge in my ankle or my hip that I've been having issues with. It felt like it took forever to get to our families because it was all uphill. I thought we'd never get there! Jen was pulling ahead of me just slightly, but she is a tad stronger than me on the uphills, and I usually speed up on the downhills. I knew if I kept her in sight, I'd be able to catch her once we headed downhill.

Our Families Waiting to Cheer for Us!

We finally reached our families. We smiled for pictures as we ran by and gave high fives to the kids. Jen was probably 15 seconds in front of me. I thought I was never going to get to a downhill. We had literally been running uphill for 10 miles with very few flats or downhills. Finally, just past mile 19, I saw the downhill grade. It wasn't much, but it wasn't uphill!!! That was huge for me mentally. I knew from running my first marathon that the last 10K was the hardest part of the entire race. Not only are you physically tired and your legs are burning, but you are mentally tired, and it's really hard to stay in the race mentally.

Jen at Mile 18

Me at Mile 18

MILES 18-20 (seeing our family and starting downhill):

I have to be honest here. The marathon distance is not my best best distance. It is not my favorite race. For me, it is mostly mental. I knew I had to stay in the race mentally. At mile 18 or so, right before I got to the downhill, I was thinking, "Why am I doing this? This is NOT fun!" I knew that was not the right thing to be thinking. I knew if I caught up to Jen, we could lift each other up, and I'd just gain a little confidence. I felt like she wasn't slowing at all and I was. I walked at a water station and watched her run through it, so she gained on me even more. When I crossed the 20 mile timing mat, I was about 30 seconds behind her, which was the farthest I had fallen behind. So, I was determined not to let that gap get any bigger. I just tried to get into a groove and keep an even pace. I had to tell myself to stick to my heart rate and not listen to how much my legs hurt. I got into my music and just kept on going. One of my Christian songs came on, and I just let it take me through the next few minutes of running.

MILES 21-23 (the downhill, but very hard part):

Just before mile 21, I was gaining on Jen (because it was now downhill). Then, she started walking. I was in a groove, so I actually ran right past her! I didn't even turn to her because I knew she'd see me and start running. I knew my passing her would give her some motivation. I also knew she'd catch me and probably pass me. Good thing we are both competitive. I kept thinking, we've trained together and we started this thing together, so we're going to finish this thing together. Well, she did catch me pretty quickly, and we ran together for a bit. Then, I ended up having to walk, and she gained on me again. Then, we were both running about the same pace for a while, walking a bit at water stations, when she walked again when I didn't. This time, I ran up to her, and she looked back, and I said, "I'll walk with you." Believe me, I was ready to walk. She said, "Do you want to just run together to the end?" I nodded. That's all I had the energy to do.

MILES 23-26.1:

I don't remember at what point that was, but I'm pretty sure it was right around mile 22-23. Up to that point, the miles seemed to pass slowly. At mile 21, I remember thinking 5 miles seemed like a lot more. At mile 23.5, the pacers we planned to run with passed us. We both looked at each other and shrugged. That was our super fast goal time, and they had just passed us with only 2.7 miles to go. I actually felt good about our race at that point. I knew we had slowed a bit, but not that much. We ran side by side, walking when we needed to for the next mile. When we got to the University of Texas campus, it was pretty flat. Jen seemed to be pushing hard, and I was really struggling. I couldn't catch my breath, but my HR monitor wasn't working right, so I couldn't tell what my HR was. I knew it was HIGH, though. She looked over at me and was worried. I told her I was o.k., but I really needed to walk. We only had 2 miles to go, and I hated to walk, but I really needed to! We walked a bit, then we started running again at a decent pace. I knew there was an uphill right before the finish line, so I was preparing for it. Once we hit mile 25, I kept telling myself, "just another 10 minutes of running--1 more mile". That was the longest mile ever!

Jen and me running up the last hill 500m before the finish line

(Can you see the forced smiles?)

THE HOME STRETCH:

We started up the hill, but we finally decided to walk. Our legs were just not going to take it. Then, we saw our families near the top of the hill. We decided to start running because they would be taking pictures of us. We smiled, but that's NOT how we felt (except that we knew we were almost to the end). They were 500m from the finish line. There were signs every 100m from there to the finish. That was the longest 500m I have ever run in my life. Jen pulled ahead slightly, and I just couldn't catch her, but I was SO happy with my race. I was so happy I didn't let the marathon distance beat me mentally like it did the first time. I didn't run even splits, but they were much more even than at my first marathon.

My final finish time was 4:11:40, 16 minutes and 4 seconds faster than my first marathon. Jen beat me by 6 seconds and picked up a 9 minute PR herself.

The finisher's medal

THE AFTERMATH:

We were both SO happy with our time, but we were SO tired! We staggered through the finish chute picking up Gatorade, chips, bananas, and other stuff people handed to us. We were both so done mentally we couldn't think. I literally staggered over to get my medal. I kind of stared at the woman at first, wondering what she wanted with that medal she was holding. LOL! We went over and got our official finisher photo taken. We tried to stretch a bit, but we really just wanted to keep walking. We had to walk a LONG way to meet back up with our families, but we eventually made it and just collapsed on the grass to rest for a while.

Sitting on the Capitol Lawn

Now we're standing

Doing the Supergirl pose (and that's all the energy we had left)

CONCLUSIVE THOUGHTS:

All in all, it was an incredible race! After training for so long, it is nice to have a happy ending. I have to thank God for getting me through. There were times throughout the race where I just asked Him to carry me through, and He did. I knew I could not do it without Him. I have several verses I think of that get me through. I could also not do it without all the spectators who came out to cheer everyone on. Austin is such a great city like that. It was cold, but they were still out there cheering. One guy was doing back flips on a trampoline in his front yard, others were passing out Kleenex and Vaseline, others held clever funny signs and would move along the course so you'd see them multiple times, and others just called out your name (our names are on our race bibs). It is so cool to hear your name called out by someone you don't even know. I could also not do it without the support of my husband (thanks for taking the great pictures, honey) and my best running friend ever -- Jen!!!

Oh, and you're probably asking, "Are you going to run another marathon?" You'll have to ask me again once I can walk normally. ;) Right now, I don't think I ever want to do that again!

Linking up with Jen:

Resolutions Begin with a Shiny Sink

Yes, that's a picture of my sink. Why, you ask? Well, first, did you notice how shiny it is? That's a photo right after I shined my sink because a shinysink is the beginning to a clean house, according to Flylady. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, visit www.flylady.net. Basically, Flylady has a system for de-cluttering your home and your life and blessing your family in the process. It is really a great website, and will help simplify your life. I have been "flying" sporadically for 10 years. Honestly, I haven't put forth much effort since I moved into my current house 6 1/2 years ago. How could I? I was expecting my 3rd child and had 4 1/2 year old twin daughters to also care for. Even as they've grown older, my priority has been my children...not my house...not my husband...not me. I decided now that my kids are in school, 2012 is the year to REALLY try to stick to the routines so that we will all be blessed. This came to me when I was thinking about how I dread "housework" and don't think about it being a blessing. Instead, I think of it as a burden. I need to change my thinking and simplify my life. After all, I chose to be a stay at home mom. So, I'm doing what I want to do. Why is it so hard?

You see, I have always wanted my life to be simple. Not easy, but simple. Well, then I had kids! I should have known that wasn't going to simplify my life! LOL! I am a fairly organized person, but you wouldn't believe me if you saw my house most days. I get lazy, I don't prioritize, things pile up, then it just gets out of control and overwhelms me! I felt very organized and stress-free this holiday season. I didn't stress about not having everything done just right. I just rolled with the punches and enjoyed it. That's what I want all the time.

I feel I have been very blessed in 2011. I gained a niece and 3 of my cousins had babies (one on Dec. 30!!), our family stayed healthy (except for one case of strep the week before Christmas), we came out ahead on our finances (which is goodbecause the list is long for 2012), I have enjoyed lots of great running and races, I had an opportunity to try out coaching and made the decision to go ahead with it (more about that in my next blog), and I have truly enjoyed my family and being a mom and wife.

God has taught me some important lessons as well. I learned to be patient and wait on the Lord to show me what direction to go, then to obey Him. I learned to listen to God a little more carefully and not allow Satan (other people's opinions) to take me off the path. I have also learned that I need to work on not judging others and being more humble at times.

This is a piece of art my friend Jen drew/composed. It is in my family room right now. I love the colors, the mixed media, and the message. Obey the Lord and follow His path. That's what I've learned from 2011. I feel like I've walked the path I'm supposed to, but I picture myself up at the top of that drawing about to go into the scary forest. I'm standing there staring not knowing where to go just yet because I can't see the way and wondering if I'm really supposed to go in there. But I know I am going to a good land. :)

So, along with my resolution to stick to some routines, I have a few that go along with that. I'm just going to list a few things:

- Stick to Flylady's routines so that my house stays relatively clean with much less effort

- At least 20 minutes of God time everyday

- Go to bed earlier and wake up earlier (this is a hard one for me)

- Spend more time with my family everyday (less time on the computer)

- Catch up on unfinished projects

- Complete my triathlon coach certification and start coaching!

I think last year, God was having me focus on waiting/patience and listening and obeying. This year is going to be all about trust and overcoming fear (and more listening and obeying, of course). I know He will be faithful, and I need to do the same.

I hope you all have had a great start to your year and I wish you a blessed 2012!

I'm linking up with Jen:

Be Prepared, part 2

So, my last post inspired me to blog some more about being prepared. This time, it is going to be more run-focused. I have to start with the Advent wreath, though. We have an Advent wreath that sits in the middle of our dining room table (pictured above), and we light it every night for dinnertime. My kids made clay Advent wreaths in Sunday School last Sunday, and of course, they all ask why one candle is pink. So, as I do every year, I looked it up. In case you didn't know or have just forgotten, here is the meaning of each candle:

1st Candle (purple or blue): The Prophecy Candle or Candle of Hope -- We can have hope because God is faithful to us and will keep the promises made to us

2nd Candle (purple or blue): The Bethlehem Candle or Candle of Preparation -- God kept his promise of a Savior who would be born in Bethlehem. Preparation means to "get ready." "Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight paths for Him." Luke 3:4

3rd Candle (pink): The Shepherd Candle or Candle of Joy -- The angels sang a message of Joy! "I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all

the people" Luke 2:11

4th Candle (purple or blue): The Angel Candle or Candle of Love -- God sent his own Son to earth to save us because He loves us!

5th candle (white): Christ Candle -- It reminds us that Jesus is the spotless lamb of God, sent to wash away our sins!

Whether you think of these things week by week during Advent or all together, it doesn't matter. These are the important things to remember. This is what the Christmas season is all about. I'm so glad my kids asked because it was a reminder to me as well as them what to focus on. We must not only focus on these things at Christmastime, though. I struggle with trusting that God knows what he is doing. So, that first candle reminds me that He keeps his promises. I have a reason to hope. Trying to make the decision about coaching was tough for me because I kept doubting. God was calling me to do it, but I still kept doubting. Now, I know I can have hope because He will keep His promise to support me in that calling. When I read Joshua, that was the theme over and over again -- Be courageous, God will fight for you, He will keep His promises.

Then comes the preparation. I think this is what we focus on most during the Christmas season and really all year round. We are always "getting ready" for something. I often get caught up in preparations, especially when someone is coming over. I have to make sure the house is just right. Why? I have to step back sometimes and remember that I am not here to please man. I am always preparing for something, though. Usually it is a race. More about that later.

Then comes the joy part. This is something I discovered recently about myself. I do not like cleaning the house. I do not like doing laundry. I do not like a lot of things that stay at home moms do, though that is my "job" that I chose. (Those things I already knew) I would get discouraged and frustrated because I would put those things off, then I'd get overwhelmed because the house was a mess and I'd take it out on my family, etc.... I discovered that I needed to find joy in doing those things to bless my family. I was looking at it all wrong. I am blessing my family by doing those things. I have recently recruited my daughters to fold laundry, and they actually like doing it (for now), which has been a HUGE help!

Last is Love. I know that God loves me just the way I am. Sometimes I have to remind myself when my clothes don't fit just right or my face is broken out, but lately I've been reminded by those around me who don't seem to know that. There are so many women concerned about their image. They must wear the right clothes, have their hair done, be the perfect weight, own the right purse and the right car. They must get their nails done and always have the perfect house. I used to just get frustrated and downright envious of those who appeared to have it all together. God has helped me to see what's really important. Unfortunately, because I'm seeing people in a different light, I've now started judging, so now I'm working on that. ;) I'm praying for those people, not that they are bad people, but I pray that they know that God loves them no matter what.

So, back to the preparation part since that just seems to be the focus. I'm currently training for my second marathon with my friend, Jen. The training is going quite well. We are doing more mileage than last time (we're up to 33 miles per week), and we're feeling really good about the race. We just ran 20 miles last week and will run 2 more really long runs of 22 and 24 over the next month. I know from experience and from coaching some people and talking to people that training to 20 miles isn't enough for your first few marathons, even though many plans stop at 20. It kind of depends on how much time you have as well. We would rather run more miles than more times per week. The plan we are using also stops at 20, but I revised it. I keep praying that we both stay healthy (no injuries!) and that we have good weather on race day. Those are the only two things that could prevent us from having a great race. When you prepare for so long for a race, you just really want it to be perfect. I have a really hard time handing it over to God, though. I'm a planner, so I will obsess about the weather for 10 days before the race (even though the weather in Texas changes every 5 minutes) as if I can change it. I will calculate and re-calculate our paces for the race and for training. I'll overanalyze what to wear. I think and over think everything! It is ridiculous! I'm sure Jen is glad I do all this planning and thinking so she doesn't have to. ;) The thing is, Jen always beats me. We do the same training, the same preparation, but she beats me, even if just by a few seconds (though the marathon was by a lot more). We are both competitive even though we are friends and training partners. We will never hold each other back in a race, though. We always start together, but we almost never finish together. It's o.k., but it would be nice to actually finish with her this year. If I don't, that's o.k. I'm pretty used to it now (she is 3 years younger than me, and therefore, faster). ;)

Jen and I after our first marathon

Training and preparing for a marathon or any event takes perseverance (pushing on the harder and longer runs), dedication (running even in the cold and rain), and faith. Faith that we can do this. Faith that God will help us succeed. I have decided to do an Ironman in May 2013. I have not yet laid out a year long plan yet, but it is rough in my head. I prayed about this race because a year ago I said there was no way I was doing one. That's because I was going to do an Ironman for the wrong reasons. I do think God is calling me to train for and complete an Ironman in a year and a half, and I have faith I can do it! It will definitely take LOTS of preparation. I need to make sure I allow God to make my plan for me, though. :)

Having hope, joy, and love are part of being a Christian. Those are the things God gives us, but we must remember to prepare our hearts to receive these things and give back to those around us. I must remember to find joy in the little things and not lose hope that can happen because God loves me no matter what!

Be Prepared

It's been a while since I blogged. Just short on time and inspiration, I guess. So, here's a quick update. I have decided to get certified as a triathlon coach through an online program. My plan is to do that in January. I already have some prospective clients, which is great. I'm not going to worry about it until then because I have more important things to do right now!

It's that time of year again -- Christmas!!! I love Christmas. Every year, I get stressed and bogged down trying to get everything done. This year has been a bit different, though. Almost all my gifts are bought. The ones that are here (I order everything online) are wrapped and under the tree. The Christmas cards are ordered, though I still need to write the letter and print the labels. I have a couple packages to mail, but that should get done in the next day or two. I have baking to do, but a lot of it can be done next week when the kids are out of school. Of course, we have holiday parties this week and Polar Express Day and all kinds of fun activities for the kids at school. Holiday preparations can be fun, especially with a little holiday music in the background. I even had time to snap a few photos of our family's Christmas preparations and included them in this blog.

My kids love to help decorate the house -- the garland, the tree, the advent calendars and wreaths all come out, and they get so excited. They love all the "traditions."

My son bugged me non-stop for a week about putting the lights up because our neighbors had theirs up already! I let the kids do a lot of the decorating. They each have a tree in their rooms as well. It's just lots of fun for us, and I just do a little at a time. Do I sound too calm just 12 days from Christmas Eve?

Be prepared. I know what it means to be prepared here on this earth (even as we count down the days until Christmas), but what does it mean to be prepared in God's eyes? I honestly don't know that we can ever be fully prepared for anything since we don't know what is to come. If Jesus walked in my front door right now, I know I would probably faint! (or I might scream) But being prepared for the coming of Christ is different. We are to prepare our hearts and minds. What does that mean? During this Christmas season, think about preparing your hearts and minds for the love of God. Accept what He has in store for you, even if you don't feel prepared.

I think this season has gone more smoothly for me because I just haven't gotten wrapped up in everything being perfect and I've asked God to guide me. I've asked Him to make my to-do list. I'm prepared for Him to be in charge. Inviting God into your heart and asking Him to be a part of everything you do is part of what it means to be prepared. God will prepare you.

As you prepare and anticipate Jesus' birth, find some peace within the hustle and bustle of this world by just talking to God and asking Him to be your guide, just as the star guided the shepherds and wise men to Jesus. Trust that star. I hope you have a blessed season.

Linking up with Jen and the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood at Finding Heaven Today:

and journeytoepiphany in her Picture Scavenger Hunt:

Purpose and Perspective and Giving It Up

So many things racing through my head right now. Not sure where to even start. This whole identity subject has come up several times in different ways throughout this past week after I wrote my last blog about it. So, I'm just going to throw my thoughts out there.

I think the question of identity is coming up because that is something I am struggling with. I need to know who I am before I can go forward with what I will become. So, I wrote my blog last week about what your identity is. Then, in Sunday School (our Rector's class), we were talking about money. It started with the story where the rich man essentially tells Jesus he has done everything right as far as following the commandments to get to heaven. Jesus tells him he must sell all of his possessions and that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to be accepted into the Kingdom of God. It makes you really think. You start to think, "Well, he was REALLY rich. That's not me." So, our priest asked us what our non-negotiables are. What are the things we would not give up. Lots of answers came up, and we discussed the true meaning of this story and how Jesus isn't asking us to give up everything and how money can be a good thing if used in the right way, but it also made us think. One man got up and said that we basically have to define our identity. If we gave everything up would we lose our identity? I think in this world, the answer is yes. I'm not just talking about tangible things like houses, and cars, and college educations. I'm talking about how we spend our time as well, like exercising, spending time with friends, going on vacations, knitting, volunteering, and all the other things that make up our livelihood.

So, I've been thinking about this identity crisis I'm having from different perspectives. What is my identity from God's perspective? What does God want me to be? I need to look at it from His perspective because that's really what I want to be. I want to please Him. So, I started by listing things I know about God. Then, I listed things I know about me. Last, I was going to list things God considers part of my identity or would like to be part of my identity. This part was the hard part. I'm able to list things, but fear keeps me from making some of those things part of my identity. I keep telling myself that I should tell people I am a coach, regardless if I have certification or not, but I feel like I have to have some sort of certification to really introduce myself that way. God doesn't care if I have certification, though. My mind gets in the way. Fear and doubt set in. Insecurity gets the best of me, so I don't consider that as part of my identity. Just like those "runners" who don't say they are runners. God doesn't expect perfection, but I tend to expect if of myself.

Don't get me wrong. I know this is what I should do. I also know that I would be good at it. I'm not insecure about being able to coach people. I've already done that successfully. I'm insecure about the unknowns like how to get clients, whether people will find me qualified, whether people will like me, whether I'll make money, whether my business will become what I picture it becoming, whether I'll have time without sacrificing family time too much, etc... Most of these things don't matter to God, though.

So, I'm struggling because I'm a stay at home mom. That is something I feel God called me to do. Now, all my kids are in school, so I'm feeling like my mom job is less than full time. I'm still doing that job, but I have more free time. I can do my runs during the week so that I can spend more time with my family on the weekends and after school. I struggled because of the college degree I got and am not using anymore. I often wonder what the purpose of that was, but I think I have a better idea now. I know I have the gift of teaching. That is a gift I have used in many ways through my life and continue to use to this day. Coaching would be another avenue of teaching that I can explore. I also plan our VBS program at our church. That is something I feel God called me to do as well. I'm just struggling with my purpose. I can think of lots of "purposes," but what is my SOLE purpose? Is there one?

I think I have to pray about this some more. God has told me to read the book of Joshua again. I'll let you know what comes of that. For now, I have to keep thinking about that rich man. Jesus asked him to give up everything. I feel rich at times, and I have to stop and think of what I can do to serve God. I think I can at least try to do what he's calling me to do, even if it is scary and unpredictable and might end in failure. I have some ideas about my business, so hopefully they will pan out. I have to get away from the money and just think about the people I will be serving through my coaching. I think that's what Jesus was really telling us through that rich man.

Think about your identity from God's perspective. What is He calling you to do? What are you willing to give up to accomplish God's identity for you?

This song sums up what I'm feeling lately. I have this song in my running playlist, and I love when it comes on during a long run. It is just a good reminder that God is always there, and we can do all things through Him.

Anything by Natalie Grant

I'm feeling undone,

Just a little lost in place,

A little insecure,

With this mountain in my face.

I am supposed to fly,

But I can't get my feet up off the ground,

I need You Lord to turn me around!

Refrain:

I may never be a star,

But I close my eyes and there You are!

You simply say to me that I can do,

I can do anything!

I may never walk the ocean blue,

But I know that I can talk to You!

I believe that with my trust in You,

I can do anything!

Not even past go,

And I'm already behind.

Now I've got to learn to see

Beyond what's in my mind!

Ready or not it's calling.

Now it's time to take a stand,

I can do anything when I'm holding your hand!

Refrain

When I start to walk on my own,

Everything gets magnified,

And I don't feel qualified.

When I can't believe what I see,

I know that I can find you on my knees!

And you remind me

Refrain

Linking up with Jen:

What is Your Identity?

Are you a runner?

As a runner, I hear that question a lot. It is either asked of me or I am asking. What's funny are the answers. It sounds like a yes or no question, but as with many yes or no questions, I will hear yes, no, and everything in between. So, I obviously would answer this question with a definitive "Yes!" and probably go on to ask the same question back and end up in a whole conversation about how I started running (that is another blog altogether!). My running and triathlete friends would answer it the same. My non-running and non-athletic friends who can't run more than 5 mins. would obviously answer the question with a definitive no. Then, there are all those in between. Some will say, "I'm a jogger" (what does that mean?) or "I'm not fast" or "I run some" or "I can only run 3 miles" or "I used to run" and on and on. I find it interesting because it really was a yes or no question. Why all the other answers...or... "disclaimers"?

There is some debate among runners as to what makes a runner a runner. Are "jogging" and "running" really different? Some will say you have to run a certain number of times or miles per week to really be a runner. Or you have to run a certain pace to be a runner. So, I asked myself, what makes a runner a runner? There are different categories of runners. There are competitive runners, like me, who train regularly toward specific races. Then, there are recreational or casual runners who just run for fitness. These runners may be fast or slow runners. In my mind, it doesn't matter, but some will say the slow ones are joggers. What is jogging? Is jogging not running? Well, technically, if at any moment both your feet are off the ground, you are running. In fact, here is a definition from Wikipedia: a gait in which at regular points during the running cycle both feet are off the ground. So what is jogging? According to Wikipedia, jogging is a form of trotting or running at a slow or leisurely pace. OK, so it's settled. Jogging is running slowly. It's still running (since I have no idea how a human can trot)! I'm glad I settled that debate once and for all. ;)

So, why do people who run not all respond with a yes? I think it has to do with our identity and how we view ourselves. Running is part of my identity like so many other things I do. I think new runners or people who don't run as often or as fast either don't feel running is a part of who they are or they are afraid the person asking is going to judge them based on their running ability. They have inserted another word into the question in their head.

What is your identity? There are many questions about our identity that we may answer yes or no or somewhere in between. Even when we answer yes, do we add a disclaimer to our answer? Do we feel we are answering truthfully if we don't? It depends on who is judging. The question about being a runner or not has a grey area only because we make it grey. We judge others and ourselves. I think God would see it as black or white. For example, Are you a mother? Well, that question is pretty black and white to us. Either you are or not. Most people would agree if you have children, biological or adopted, then you are a mother. What if we change it by adding just one word: Are you a GOOD mother? That changes things a bit.

Are you a Christian? Just like the mother question, this one is pretty black and white. If you have accepted Jesus as your savior, then technically, you are a Christian. Add that word, though: Are you a GOOD Christian? Now you've made it grey. What's funny, though, is that word is not usually in the original question. Like the question, Are you a runner? it seems we have added that word in our head (because that's obviously what she REALLY meant to ask). If someone asks if you are a Christian, but you don't go to church, you will often add that disclaimer to your yes answer. Why?

So, to be a Christian, we don't have to go to church and do good deeds and read our Bibles, BUT if we want it to be part of our identity, we need to do these things. God is a forgiving and gracious God, but he does desire a relationship with us. Living out the Christian life and working to know Him makes it become part of who we are, just like being a mother or a runner. It doesn't make us better, but it makes us who we really are. If you run regularly and work toward becoming a better runner, you will answer the question, Are you a runner? with a YES! If you work hard to be a good mother and do what's best for your children, then you will believe you are a good mother. Christianity is the same. You have to practice it and work toward knowing God and becoming a better person, then it becomes a part of who you are.

So think about your identity and who you are. What are some words that describe you? What are some words you would LIKE to use to describe you without a "disclaimer"? How can you make those words part of your identity? It may be something concrete. For example, I would like to be an Ironman. So, I need to do an Ironman triathlon. Simple. It may be something less concrete, something grey. You can make it more black and white to you by working hard at it. Try to see yourself as God sees you, not as the world sees you. After all, God is the ultimate judge. Everything does not have to be black or white, but the closer we are to that, the more we will identify with the traits and identities we use to characterize ourselves. The more we are in a relationship with God, the less His character will be grey to us as well.

Why We Do the Things We Do

As parents, we will do anything for our children. Not all of us are going to train to do an Ironman carrying our grown child the entire way like Dick Hoyt does (see 10/4/11 blog post), but we make sacrifices everyday for our children. Big or small, it doesn't matter. As mothers, we all have those things we go all out for. Some delve into scrapbooking, others volunteer endless hours at the school, and some spend every cent they have (and some they don't) on doctor's appointments and therapy to make their child well. For me, it's birthday parties and Halloween costumes. All our birthday parties have a theme, and I search the internet endlessly for ideas. My children's friends can't wait for our birthday parties. We always have our parties at our houseand make it fun for everyone. I just really like to make not only the birthday child special, but every child who comes to the party should also feel special. We don't invite a huge crowd, only their closest friends. This is my philosophy on birthday parties, and I always feel I am blessing each child that walks through the door. It is not about looking good for other people. It is for my children.

Our Halloween costumes are usually pretty unique, and they are homemade, of course. Last year, I made a dragonfly, turtle, and bat costume (photo above). I also made my husband and daughter the tortoise and the hare for the Capitol 10,000 race in March of this year. Making a tortoise costume than one can run in is not an easy feat!!! So, Halloween is upon us, and I'm to make a jellyfish costume (that glows), a shark costume, and an owl costume. My kids and I try to spend as little money as possible by using things we have around the house. It's a challenge for us. It is really fun and gets them thinking about conservation. Sometimes, it doesn't work, but we try. This year, I've already spent hours looking for ideas on the internet. I'll spend more time trying to find the materials needed to make these costumes and yet more time actually making the costumes. Why do I do this? It makes my kids happy. Of course, the whole neighborhood waits to see what our costumes will be each year. I love to make every neighbor smile when they open that door. I loved that the people running that race would smile or laugh when they got passed by a tortoise (my husband and my daughter are fast runners). It isn't about pride. I don't do it so everyone will think I'm the best mom in the world (well, I want my kids to think that). I do it only for my children. For their happiness. And even when I've gotten 3 hours of sleep 3 nights in a row (as I did for the Harry Potter birthday party), I still do it joyfully.

So why is it so hard to do things joyfully for God?

I can't say that everything I do is not about me and all about blessing others. Far from it! I really like instant gratification. So, when I do something for God to make Him happy, it is hard for me to see the result sometimes, especially if it doesn't benefit me in some way. I have to ask myself why I am doing something to be sure it is not just for me. Recently, in our Rector's Sunday School class, he has been talking about a study done on the perception of Christians by 18-29 year olds. This study was done just a few years ago. They asked them what they desired most in life. The top two answers were wealth and fame. Wow. Fame? I honestly would have never given that answer, even in my 20s. That was the exact word they used. Fame. I thought the American Dream was to get married and have kids and work hard so you can have a happy life and retire comfortably. Apparently, not anymore. Now, it's to be on American Idol or to get rich and famous without doing much of anything. Times have certainly changed. So, I say I would have never given the answer fame, but I do think we all desire to be well-liked by our peers. So, it isn't hard to do something that makes us look good. It is hard to do something that makes God look good, but does nothing for our self-image in the eyes of man. There are times when we do things for our own glory and not God's.

So, about a year ago, I completed my second Half-Ironman. After that race I swore I was not doing another one for a long time, and I had even pushed out the possibility of doing an Ironman. Completing an Ironman has been a dream of mine for some time. After that race, though, I felt defeated. Even though I improved my time, it wasn't good enough for me. It was a hard race. I wasn't prepared for all those hills on the run. Well, I've been thinking about that race and about my future as a triathlon coach, and I think I'm supposed to do that race again next October and then go on to complete an Ironman in May 2013. My training partner, Brian, has pushed me toward this decision a bit. He completed his first Ironman this year (that's him finishing in the photo above). When he told me, "It was easier than the Half-Ironman," I laughed. Then I heard that same thing from someone else. Then, I knew that Brian was planning to do it again in 2013 and "needed a training partner." I know the training will be hard and take up lots of my time, but I know I can do it and complete one of the hardest races in the world. The reason I didn't want to do it before is because I felt I was only doing it to say I've done an Ironman and get the tattoo. I was doing it for me. I wanted the recognition and the pat on the back, so to speak. I have a different purpose now. I need to do it so that I will have the experience and knowledge to share with my future clients. I need to do it to show them that they too can complete an Ironman. I need to do it to show them that even when you have a bad race, you can learn from it and go back and do better next time. I need to do it so they can see that I didn't give up on my dream. I know this time God wants me to just go for it. So, when my friend Jen asked me, "Do you REALLY want to do a race that long?" I said yes. Honestly, it scares me a little bit. I don't know if I REALLY want to do a race that long, but I feel like it's something God is asking me to do. The race itself doesn't scare me because I know if I train I'll do fine (I always do). All the training I'm going to have to do scares me. I'm worried about burning out and not seeing my family as much. I just have to have faith that He'll bring me through.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9